Daily Journal-- 3/16/11

I wish someone had told me how to deal with stuff. I've made a lot of bad decisions as a result of my anxiety, because I was never really told of appropriate coping methods. Even the doctor's prescription for anxiety-related problems is a drug. Little do doctors know that no drug can really combat an illness. Drugs simply make it seem as if the illness is gone for a while, so their patient is satisfied and they keep making money. Everything that a doctor does to help a patient only reaches the surface. I wish someone had told me how to get to the core of my problem. I wish someone had told me how quickly life moves, and how necessary it is to be on top of things. I've let a lot of my loved ones vacate my life, because I didn't show enough appreciation for them. I'm prone to getting too caught up in the smaller things in life, and not seeing the big picture. I stopped going to Church. I stopped relaxing. I stopped trying to mantain relationships that I assumed needed too much maintenance and would inevidably end. I wish that life would slow down. When I was younger everything seemed a lot slower. Nobody was in a rush, because nobody had anywhere else to be. Everything was so trivial then. Those were the days where I would wake up around 6 AM on weekends, just to lengthen my day. Now, I will sleep as late as noon when given the opportunity, because I'd rather lengthen my sleep. I'd rather lengthen my dreams. I don't remember any of my dreams from when I was a child, because I think I did a lot less dreaming then. Dreams are for people who wish to make changes in their life. Dreams are for those who are unsatisfied with their own position in existence. I used to be perfectly content with life. Now I have so many dreams, and unfulfilled plights. It's weird.